it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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