put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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