if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
