If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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