I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
