I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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