Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You ate ashes out of my bong
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize