you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
