remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
