why do cheetos always look like penises
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
