I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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