We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They took my balls.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
