I'm going to jail i love you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
