does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
