remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
