Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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