your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
