Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
