I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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