i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
