She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
