Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
