I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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