I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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