only if we run a train.
done.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
