"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
