so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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