Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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