I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
