My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
