I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
