Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
