battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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