I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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