Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
