Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
