..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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