I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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