Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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