Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
