if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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