Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
