That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
