My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
