oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He did a backflip because drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
