Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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