Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I believe in your delicious
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
