I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
