Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
