i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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