he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
