And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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