I puked a lego.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
