Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
