I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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