walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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