Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I FOUND THE LEGS
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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