yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
