Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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