Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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