I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
