barbara walters just said penis...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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