how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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