so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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