i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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