I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
