My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
