hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
