This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
