good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
