Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
